Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.