Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon