Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander