I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
