i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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