sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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