Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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