I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
