I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
