oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you had me at cake vodka
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
