It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
