we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
