ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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