i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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