Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
