Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
