You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
