im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
