he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
