If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Found your dick twin last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
