i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
