Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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