if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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