I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
