Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
