she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
