Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
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I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
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I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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