The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
