Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
