I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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