i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
