Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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