I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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