If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
