So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
