why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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