Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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