just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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