He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
