it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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