her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
