Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
