Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
