I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
