He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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