imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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