The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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