just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
