he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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