if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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