The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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