I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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