I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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