now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
