May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Randomize
