Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
