take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
