Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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