going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
