margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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