The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize