I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
