why didn't you poke me back
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I believe in your delicious
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
