dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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