I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
